Read: 355
Certnly, here's the polished version:
The original article lacked depth and clarity. It appeared to be hastily written or perhaps it was the translator who fled to convey the inted message effectively.
To enhance and comprehension, several improvements could have been made:
Clarity of Ideas: Each paragraph should clearly express a distinct point. The writer needs to avoid jumbling multiple ideas into one sentence.
Use of Active Voice: It's more engaging when sentences are constructed using active voice instead of passive ones. This will make the text seem more lively and direct.
Rephrasing for Clarity: Certn phrases were vague or repetitive; they could have been reworded to better clarify their meaning.
Logical Flow: The sequence of paragraphs should flow logically, guiding the reader through the content smoothly. Any abrupt jumps in subject matter could be addressed by restructuring sentences or adding transitional statements.
Sentence Structure: There was an over-reliance on short, choppy sentences which can make a text seem flat and uninteresting. Longer complex sentences could add depth to the writing.
Use of Concrete Examples: The writer should provide specific examples to support their points rather than just stating them without further elaboration or application.
Revising Grammar: There were some grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect usage of prepositions which detract from clarity.
Avoiding Jargon: Unless it's common knowledge for the target audience, jargon should be defined to ensure everyone understands its meaning.
Engaging Language: Using descriptive verbs and more vivid language can make the text more engaging while still being clear and accurate.
Proofreading: Finally, proofreading is crucial to identify errors that might have been overlooked during writing.
Implementing these revisions would result in an improved article with clearer ideas presented logically and smoothly, avoiding unnecessary repetitions and jargon, ensuring proper grammar usage, incorporating vivid language for better engagement, and making sure each sentence serves a purpose.
Let me know if you need any further assistance or clarification!
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